Faith Rewarded

This one I picked up from Christopher Nolan's "The Dark Knight".

I am standing at point in my life where I want my faith rewarded.

There was this guy I know from School. He dropped out after 10th. I did not meet him since then, only on the streets around my house. No more than "Hi-Hello" took place between us and we exchanged words about where everyone else was. A few months ago he had taken a few of my friend’s cell phone numbers. So he calls up this year in January and wants me to meet him. He is skinny and definitely not in a good shape. And trying to hide the fact with cheap facade. By now you have guessed it right. He wants money.

I gave it to him. Not expecting he would return them. That I had to mention because that's where my faith lies: Help out others without any expectations. And if you are helping someone you are taking the pain in your ass. These I believe are the cardinal rules of helping someone.

I was happy that I could help him when there was no light in his life. He had been in and out of petty jobs but did not have anything permanent. I also knew that a few years ago he had been form Hyderabad with unsuccessful bouts of odd jobs there. He told me that he had recently got married and that his parents had disowned him for that, presumably because he did not have a job. Now this guy was really in a fix. I did not want to believe those stories, but I knew that he was in need of money. I did not care about the stories he cooked to get the money out of me. I just gave him what he need at the moment. I also felt that "she" would have approved of it. This is also one of my forlorn faiths I want rewarded.

Now he started visiting me in every 3-4 weeks asking for more. when I felt like it I gave it to him. When I did not, I just ignored him. He came once with the news that his mother had expired. I did not believe him and I did not help him then. He tried his wife to call me (if that was his wife at all). I did not help him then either. Once he came up with a tale that he needed to deposit money to a Security Agency where he will be placed as a security guard. I did help him then. There were situations like that his wife was admitted to hospital. He needed money, it did not matter what story he was cooking. If I felt like it, I lent him some.

Finally I started avoiding him. He usually called from PCO or someone else's cell. He does not have a cell. Not receiving phone call from unknown numbers or lying that I am not available to meet him, was what I thought would drive him away. It did not.

Now he comes up and says he has got HIV. I lent him some. He showed me some papers where his name was mentioned and that report motioned HIV reactive. I did not feel pity or compassion. Just lent him some and asked him to take care. Then he calls up in a couple of days to say his wife needs abortion and he needs money. I told him I could not help. That did not stop him from calling again when I was having a booze party. The alcohol had kicked in and I just shoved him over with some real harsh words. That hasn't stopped him either .

I do not want this over me. I was upset about this episode. I feel I helped him to my extent. I can handle this. I will. But my question is: Did I do the right thing? If I did the wrong thing, then at what point of this story? I have to learn to say no at the right moment. I have to learn not to let go of my faith. I am yet to find what would be the reward of holding on to my faith: me getting rid of him or him getting better with his life. All the same "I want my faith rewarded".

Excerpts from My Diary [What have I Learnt Today… 2nd April 2010, Kolkata]